Just for Laughs-Jokes Thread

[UHadMeAtWooHoo]

[nys1emt]

So a sad story turned humorous, about Easter from a local story in our paper. We have a wonderful Chocolate Shop in Fishkill NY, called "The Alps Sweet Shop". Everyone within 50 miles comes here to get their candy and Easter is especially busy. (and the chocolate is to die for....) They always have a family friend dressed up as the Easter Bunny standing outside the shop greeting the cars that go by (on a busy smalltown main street that is also a State Rd) and of course greeting the little ones as they come to the store. This week, some 17 year old punk who hasn't been caught yet, ran up to the woman in the suit and tackled her causing her to fall to the ground and get injured. She is fortunately ok. Here is the next chapter to the story in the paper the next day.....

http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/artic...candy-shop

Today, it was also reported that local bouncers, military and police officers also offered to "stand guard"....what a great community we have here in the Hudson Valley !!!

Happy Easter Everyone !!!

[LISA]

Move to Maine and spend less on clothes.............:haha:and get an education too!!!!!!!!!!!


http://www.bangordailynews.com/detail/141265.html

[amyrebo]

[THawks]

Mmmmm chocolate. That was hysterical & gross at the same time. Love Tina Fey.

[AgingHippie]

.
Thanks for kick-starting my morning, Amy . . I'm literally laughing out loud !!

Grabbed this reminder from the links at end of clip . . can't wait for Betty's SNL appearance

[amyrebo]

This is freaking hilarious -

[AgingHippie]

Who knew a turtle can move that fast . . literally LOL'd - blaming heat-fried brain

ETA: not my cat . . random find
.

[TayBea]

Another good one, AH! I love cats and turtles! So funny!

[nys1emt]

I read this on another board that I wander to once in a while - thought it was pretty funny....don't remember seeing it here before. If it's a repeat I apologize.....

Think before you speak...


Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.....


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a bl*w j0b?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts.." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did he have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!


Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!